


I'll be there for you (Like I've been there before)

by Moooomoo



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Ace!Tamaki, Aged-Up Character(s), Attempted Sexual Assault, Character Death, M/M, Mention of canon past child abuse, Minor Character Death, Multi, Stalking, The RyuuSou is very background
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:15:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28190766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moooomoo/pseuds/Moooomoo
Summary: I'll be there for you(When the rain starts to pour)I'll be there for you(Like I've been there before)I'll be there for you('Cause you're there for me too)Five times Sougo had been there for Tamaki over the years, and the one time he was not.Please heed all the tags!
Relationships: Ousaka Sougo & Yotsuba Tamaki, Ousaka Sougo/Tsunashi Ryuunosuke
Comments: 22
Kudos: 30





	1. First time

**First**

Sougo looked at his phone and sighed. He spent much more time talking to that producer than he thought he would. Hurrying, Sougo made his way to the dressing room MEZZO” was assigned for the day. Tamaki could busy himself with games just fine usually, but Sougo knew he still liked company. When they were out on an IDOLiSH7 job, the young man always liked to spend his time with one of them instead of playing his games whenever he could. However, the sight that welcomed him when he opened their dressing room door was not what he expected. Tamaki was lying down on the couch of their dressing room, his shirt messily half opened while the woman that was currently straddling him had his wrists pinned above his head. Sougo recognised her as the famous young model that guested in the same show as them a few hours earlier. Hearing him enter, Tamaki turned eyes filled with tears toward him, his mouth articulating a “Sou-chan” but no sound making it out. Sougo’s blood immediately boiled as he saw red.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

Sougo’s voice was as menacing and cold as it could get. His right hand contracted on the handle of the door, close to breaking it.

“What? Can’t you read the room and excuse yourself? Don’t you see we’re busy? We’re having a good time, that’s all.”

Oblivious to the danger, the woman shot him an annoyed look.

“And can’t you see he’s obviously  _ not _ having a good time right now? Get away from him at _ once _ .”

The voice made it clear there would not be a second warning, and the woman finally had a proper look at Tamaki’s crying face. Surprise immediately painted her features over.

“Holy shit. What’s wrong with you?! I thought you were just playing hard to get!”

As she let go of Tamaki’s wrists, the woman was roughly yanked off the couch – and Tamaki – by Sougo.

“Get out. Now.”

Freeing her arm from Sougo’s firm grip, the woman looked at both of MEZZO” with a pissed off look. Whatever shame or guilt she should have been feeling right now from her actions was overshadowed by the annoyance she felt at not being desired.

“Tss. It’s fine. No need to get mad.”

Picking up the underwear on the floor and throwing it at her, Sougo gave her the most disgusted look he could.

“No, it’s not fine at all. Just disappear and never show yourself to us ever again.”

Only when the door finally closed did Sougo soften his expression, turning toward Tamaki. His partner was now sitting on the couch, his hands shaking as he stared at them. Sougo gently took them into his own hands, brushing over them softly with his thumbs.

“Tamaki-kun, are you okay?”

Finally raising his head, Tamaki looked at him.

“Y-yes. No. I mean... I… I don’t know.”

“What happened? Would you tell me? Or do you want to not talk about it ?”

There were smudged lipstick kiss marks close to his mouth, and the first few buttons of his shirts had been popped off. To Sougo it wasn’t hard to imagine what had happened, but there were things he needed to confirm.

“It’s…. I was playing games when she came in… and she started being weird, like, super close and touchy... She told me she could show me better games… and s-she pushed me down. When she put her head on me I tried to push her away, but she grabbed me and just I couldn’t push her anymore a-and… Sou-chan, I told her to stop but she just wouldn’t listen! I…. She kissed me and I didn’t want it and I… I was so scared!”

Holding him tight, Sougo let him cry on his shoulder until he had calmed down. Tamaki’s emotions were a bundle of shock, panic and fear and he needed to let them out first. Only when Sougo felt his partner’s shoulders relaxing and the sobbing decreasing did he let go.

“I’m sorry, Tamaki-kun. I’m so sorry…”

“Why ‘d you apologize, Sou-chan… it’s not your f-fault, it’s m-my—”

“It’s not your fault, Tamaki-kun. It absolutely is  _ not _ your fault. Okay? It’s very important you understand it is not your fault.”

Tamaki nodded at him. He had stopped shaking, the initial shock slowly passing, but he still seemed very lost.

“But, what she said… Sou-chan, is there something wrong with me?”

Cleaning the lipstick marks with a handkerchief, Sougo stopped his movement to look at his partner.

“Of course not! There is nothing wrong with you! You’re not supposed to give yourself to any woman throwing herself at you like that. That’s not how it works!”

Sougo was mad just thinking about this woman again. She was not much older than himself, but after being called “the beauty of the century” for a few years by every possible Japanese magazine, she really was over her head with her own looks. Sougo would make sure that she would never be able to find work ever again if he could have a say. In his anger, Sougo missed Tamaki’s troubled expression.

“But then… how does it work ?”

Sougo was unsure what Tamaki meant by that, but he still tried to answer.

“These kinds of things, you should only do them when both of you want to do them.”

Fidgeting with his fingers, Tamaki was avoiding Sougo’s eyes.

“But… what if I don’t want to do them?”

“Then it’s fine not to, of course. You can wait for when you want to. There is no rush anyway, you know.”

Tamaki furrowed his eyebrows as he tried to get through what he meant. Sougo was being nice, but he was missing the point.

“No, I mean… what if I don’t want to do them… ever? It is wrong?”

Sougo frowned as well, trying to understand what Tamaki meant.

“Tamaki-kun, do you mean… with women? It’s ok, you know. Some people like women, some people, as myself, like men… and some people, well, they like both. No matter who you like, it’s fine. It’s not wrong at all.”

Tamaki shook his head, frustrated by his inability to get Sougo to understand.

“No, I mean… I like everyone, ‘s not the problem, it’s… should I want to k-kiss the people I like? And do the… the rest?”

“The rest?... Do you mean sex?”

“Sou-chan, please don’t say the word!!”

At long last Tamaki finally looked at him, just to shoot him an embarrassed look. It was a real relief for Sougo to see Tamaki back to his usual self.

“Sorry, sorry. I won’t say it again. But yes, I think it’s normal, when you really love someone, to want to kiss them… and do the rest.”

“Do you want to kiss Ryuu-aniki then?”

“Wha--- Tamaki-kun!!!”

The question came out of nowhere and Sougo just gasped for a few seconds, unable to answer. It was his turn to avoid his partner’s eyes.

“What? Don’t you like Ryuu-aniki? I’ve seen how you look at him. He looks at you the same way too, anyway.”

“W-w-w-what ?” That’s im-im-im-impossible…”

“It’s not. Just answer the question, Sou-chan. Do you want to kiss Ryuu-aniki or not?”

Burning with embarrassment, Sougo decided helping Tamaki was more important than maintaining a lie his partner would obviously not buy anyway.

“…Yes. Yes, I would like to k-kiss Tsunashi-san.”

He couldn’t believe he said it out loud. But Tamaki had no pity for him.

“And do the rest?”

“I won’t answer that question, Tamaki-kun…!!”

“You don’t then…?”

“……”

Tamaki was looking at him with a really sad look.

“……”

“….. I do…”

“I knew it.”

“Tamaki-kun, please!”

Tamaki let out a chuckle, and Sougo couldn’t help but follow soon after. The situation felt surreal, but it finally broke the tension. More relaxed, Tamaki was able to go on more straightforwardly.

“Y’know, Sou-chan, I… I don’t think I ever wanted to kiss anyone. Or… do the rest. Not with that woman, but not with a man or someone else either. I just… never felt like I wanted to.”

Finally, at long last, Sougo understood the meaning of all Tamaki’s questions as the puzzle clicked in his head. This time Tamaki looked right at him, his eyes full of worries.

“Is it wrong? I am… not normal…?”

All previous embarrassment was gone as Sougo tried to think how to best formulate his answer.

“It’s not wrong, Tamaki-kun, and you’re not abnormal. It happens that sometimes, some people don’t want to do these things. And it’s fine. It’s very fine.”

“But it’s not normal, is it? Even back in school… Everyone was always talking about that… looking at magazines and other stuff. I looked at some of them, but… I didn’t… feel anything... Sou-chan, is something wrong with me?”

Sougo took a deep breath and his voice got firmer.

“Tamaki-kun, absolutely nothing is wrong with you. Nothing, you hear me? It does happen to lots of people, more than we talk about.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Tamaki didn’t look completely convinced, but he couldn’t feel any lie in Sougo’s answer, and it really helped him relax. Sougo could see his shoulders loosen up. This conversation would need a follow up, but Tamaki seemed much less worried now.

“Are you feeling better, Tamaki-kun?”

Tamaki had a long sigh followed by a small shiver.

“Maybe...”

Just remembering that woman throwing herself at him earlier was enough to make him shake, but talking with Sougo just now really lifted a weight from his shoulders.

“You know, Tamaki-kun, it’s fine if you’re not. This was… this was a traumatic experience. No one would expect you to---”

“Yeah but... I think I really am better now. She… that woman really scared me. I didn’t know how to react and how to make it stop and… it was really scary. But you arrived in time. Thank you Sou-chan. And ‘m glad we were able to talk about these things. I dunno why, but I feel, more… relieved now? Haha, it’s so weird. I wasn’t even thinking about this before, but I still feel relieved. Weird, right?”

“It’s not weird at all. And you know, if you have questions or if you want to talk about it more, I’ll be there. You know you can always come to me.”

Sougo smiled softly.

“Hm. I know. Thank you, Sou-chan. And I can help you with Ryuu-aniki too.”

Sougo’s smile froze and broke in a nervous grin.

“What-wait-what? No, there is no need, I mean, there is nothing, I mean, I’m not---”

Cold sweat dripped in Sougo’s back as he remembered what he previously admitted to Tamaki. There was no getting out of this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the hardest part to write, because the subject means a lot to me but I don’t think I was able to express it properly… This is just barely scraping the subject, anyway. I also wasn’t sure how to correctly handle Tamaki being assaulted, and I don’t think I handled it correctly either, but I tried. Tamaki isn’t suddenly fine because they talked about something else for 2 minutes, of course. But opening to Sougo helped going into the right direction.


	2. Second time

**Second**

“Sou-chan, I’m sorry…”

“It’s ok, Tamaki-kun.”

It wasn’t very cold outside. The weather was still pretty fair for this time of the year. A coat wasn’t even needed if you were moving enough, and Tamaki was wearing one of his usual hoodies. Despite all of that, he was almost shaking in front of Sougo’s eyes.

“I know it’s very early, but---”

Sougo didn’t let him finish before gently dragging Tamaki inside.

“I said it’s ok. Come in.”

Once inside, Tamaki looked just as lost. He was looking around like it was the first time he saw the flat, even though he had come here countless times already. Sougo quickly maneuvered him to sit on the couch in the living-room, before sitting next to him.

“What’s wrong, Tamaki-kun?”

“It’s… it’s Aya…”

The answer was exactly what Sougo expected it to be. Not a lot of things could make Tamaki distraught like this but his sister. Without a word, Ryuunosuke came from behind to gently put a hot cocoa mug inside Tamaki’s hands before leaving as silently as he arrived. He knew when it was his time to help, but he also knew when Sougo was the one Tamaki needed to hear. Tamaki’s hand gripped the mug tightly, the warmth spreading through his hands and the sweet smell calming him down slightly. Why was it that Ryuunosuke and Sougo’s flat always felt like home to him?

“What happened with Aya-chan, Tamaki-kun?”

“She… she left last night, and she didn’t come back… she…”

Tears started rolling down Tamaki’s cheeks and he held onto that warm mug like it was a lifeline. Sougo tried to make his voice as soft as possible. Obviously, Tamaki hadn’t slept at all that night.

“Did you have a fight?”

“Y-yes…”

More tears kept flowing now. Tamaki’s shoulders shook as his sobbing intensified.

“We… We fought during dinner and… I, I raised my voice… And she, Aya, she stormed out…”

There was no need to ask what they fought about. The issue wasn’t on the fight there, and Sougo knew it. The relationship of the two siblings wasn’t all rainbows and sparkles. Both Tamaki and Aya had strong personalities, and they had been separated for so long that they grew to be strangers to each other. Learning who they were again was not something you could do in a mere couple of months. They’ve been living together for six months now, and if things were overall going well, a few bumps along the way were to be expected.

“Sou-chan, w-what if she never c-comes b-b-back? I… I yelled… I swore I would never yell at her, and I… I can’t believe I did it, fuck I regret it so much! I ruined everything, I---”

Sougo’s hand patted his back gently.

“You didn’t ruin anything, Tamaki-kun. It’ll be ok. Aya-chan will come back. I’m sure she just slept at a friend’s.”

In the background, Ryuunosuke showed Sougo his phone and silently mouthed “she’s there” as he made a thumb’s up. As expected, Aya went to Tenn’s. While it meant she was safe and in good hands, Sougo knew Tamaki was still jealous of Tenn being the ideal brother-figure in Aya’s eyes. Maybe it would be safer not to mention that right away.

“Sou-chan, I… I’m…”

“You are not like your father, Tamaki-kun.”

This time Sougo’s voice was firm and strong, and Tamaki could only close his mouth in answer as the words died in his throat.

“You are nothing like your father. You’re gentle and caring, and you’re the best brother Aya could have.”

Aya never acted more like herself than when she was with Tamaki. Even with Tenn, she still had a level of restraint she seemed she couldn’t let go of. Only with Tamaki was she livelier and more honest.

“That’s…” Tamaki bit his lips as he stared at his mug. “’m sure she’d prefer to live with Tenten anyway….”

“That’s not true either. Tamaki-kun, Aya-chan  _ chose _ to live with you, remember? No one forced her to.”

“But---”

“There is no but. Tamaki-kun, raising your voice during a fight is something normal. It’s not pleasant but... it’s only natural. It happens to all of us. That’s all you did, right?”

This wasn’t a question. This was a fact. Tamaki sheepishly nodded. The times where Tamaki would raise his fists in anger during a fight were long, long gone.

“Your father was a bad man, Tamaki-kun. But your mother was a great woman, wasn’t she?”

“Yes… Yes, she was always very nice and gentle. You would have liked her, Sou-chan.”

“I am sure I would. You’re not just your father’s son, Tamaki-kun. You’re also your mother’s son. But above all, you are Yotsuba Tamaki, a whole different and unique person. No one is a copy of his parents. You are a wonderful person, a wonderful brother, a wonderful friend. And, of course, the best partner there is.”

Tamaki’s face was bright red and he couldn’t even look at his friend anymore. He had, however, stopped crying.

“Sou-chan, if you say too much it doesn’t sound true anymore…”

“Oh, really? Well I am sorry, Tamaki-kun, because that’s only the truth, sadly. Nothing I can do about that.”

“Stupid Sou-chan! Seriously!... but thank you. It’s just… ‘m so afraid to ruin things with Aya… it’s been so complicated and---”

“Things are going to be ok, Tamaki-kun. Nothing is always simple and easy from the start. Do you remember us? When we started MEZZO”?”

“Haha, that was really terrible, right…”

Sougo had a smile for him.

“It was… but we made it this far. And I’m sure you’ll make it even further with Aya-chan. Just give yourself time, and trust in yourself.”

“Thanks, Sou-chan…”

“If you want to sleep a bit before you leave, the guest room is ready for you.”

Sougo didn’t even have to check to know Ryuunosuke made sure of that while they talked. On these words Tamaki eventually yawned.

“I guess ‘m a bit sleepy… well, I guess it’s 5 am anyway… okay.”

Once Tamaki was led to the guest room and tucked in bed, Ryuunosuke and Sougo sat down on their couch.

“Wanna go back to sleep as well, Sougo-kun? You first job is only in the afternoon, you could get some more rest. I think I’ll stay up myself since I was about to wake up soon anyway. I can take care of the rest.”

“Thank you, Tsunashi-san. I will, but I’m guessing round two should happen soon so I’m waiting a bit first…”

Just as he said that, Sougo’s phone suddenly rang. The photo of a blue haired girl was displayed above the name.

Sougo didn’t have time to even say a word before a panicked voice filled his ears. He only stopped the flow with difficulty.

“Don’t panic, Aya-chan. Tamaki-kun is here, he’s fine. Yes, I know. He regrets it too, don’t worry.”


	3. Third time

**Third**

Thunder broke the silence once again, making Tamaki yelp helplessly for the hundredth time that night. The fraction of second of light it gave him only made the darkness that resumed right away even more frightening. The wind was howling, tree branches occasionally hitting the windows, and it felt like there was an army of ghosts trying to break in. Holding his knees tight, shivering, Tamaki buried his face into the King Pudding plush squished between his legs and chest. This was horrible. He was probably going to die, killed by the ghosts. Aya was away on a trip, and he was feeling terribly alone and terrified. It was better she wasn’t there, of course, or the ghosts would surely get her too, but still. Some company would have been nice. At this moment, Tamaki really wished he still lived at the dorm with the rest of IDOLiSH7. During storms, Nagi and Riku always bundled with him and it made a scary moment actually quite funny and enjoyable. Not that they ever got plunged in a total darkness like that. Usually Mitsuki or Yamato would light something up if the power went out, and all was fine. But right now there was no light. Tamaki’s phone was out of battery and he couldn’t charge it anymore, and Tamaki couldn’t remember where he might have had candles or even fire to light them. He tried to move in the dark at first and just ended up knocking his leg hard on something, so now he was just shivering in a corner in his room with the closest King Pudding plush he could grab. Maybe the ghosts would not find him if he stayed quiet.

But suddenly, amidst the storm’s noises Tamaki heard a banging on the door. The scream he let out died out in his throat midway. The ghosts were at the door now?! Could they just… go through?

_ Oh my god oh my god oh my god I’m gonna die I’m---- _

“Tamaki-kun? Tamaki-kun, do you hear me? It’s me, Sougo.”

Tamaki’s tears stopped as he stared in the darkness in what he assumed to be the direction of the noise.

“...Eh? S-s-sou-chan?”

Did he dream that voice? Were the ghosts trying to trick him into opening? But the door of his apartment opened on its own anyway - Tamaki recognised the sound - and it froze him solid until he eventually saw a ray of light moving left and right from the opened door of his room and heard a familiar voice.

“Tamaki-kun? Tamaki-kun, where are you?”

“S-Sou-chan?! In the bedroom!!”

A few seconds later Sougo appeared at the entrance of his room, holding a big flashlight and a bag. Tamaki immediately got up and ran to him - and the source of light.

“Sou-chan!! I thought you were a ghost!!!”

“Ahaha, I’m sorry Tamaki-kun… I didn’t want to scare you but I guessed it would be better to announce myself before entering… It would have been worse otherwise, right?”

Tamaki most likely would have had a heart attack, so it probably had been better, yes. Sougo took another flashlight out of his bag and gave it to Tamaki, who immediately turned it on and checked every corner of his room. No ghost in sight anywhere. He finally let out a sigh of relief. In the meantime, Sougo had taken out a few self-powered lights and set them around in the room. Once he was done, both him and Tamaki sat down on the bed.

“Are you ok, Tamaki-kun?”

“I am now… thank you Sou-chan... But how did you...?”

“Iorin-kun saw the news of the power outage in the news and immediately recognized your neighborhood… He sent me a text about the blackout and the fact that you stopped answering in the group chat earlier in the evening. Then I remembered Aya-chan was out of town. When I tried to call you, I ended up on your answering machine directly and I assumed your phone was dead. I got a bit worried, so I came as soon as I could… I used my spare key to enter, sorry.”

Tamaki shook his head with energy. 

“Nah, don’t apologize… I’m really glad you came… I thought I was gonna die… my phone was dead and I couldn’t find anything to make light and then the ghosts were about to attack and…”

“The ghosts?”

Now that the room had a warm light all around, the sounds coming out from outside didn’t seem so scary anymore. It was clear it was just tree branches, the shutters or the now further away thunder. Tamaki had a slight blush.

“Ah… Nevermind that. It’s nothing. Anyway, thank you Sou-chan, you saved my life!”

Sougo gave him a smile.

“No problem. Since I’m there, do you want me to stay?”

Tamaki knew he should probably tell him to go back to his home and boyfriend. But he honestly was lonely tonight, and he was afraid of staying alone in the dark appartement, even though he now had enough light to see around in his bedroom. But what if their battery ran out? He wouldn’t be against some company.

“Is it okay if you stay?”

“Of course. Ryuunosuke-san gave me some cookies he baked earlier today for you. Do you want some?”

“Ryuu-aniki made them? You didn’t help?”

Sougo gave him a pout.

“What do you mean by that? No, he made them by himself.”

“Then thanks, Sou-chan! Ryuu-aniki too.”

Happily munching on the cookies, Tamaki thought things weren’t so bad after all. He felt safe and warm, and Ryuunosuke’s cooking was only second to Mitsuki’s.

“If you want I can tell you stories. You mentioned ghosts earlier, I have a really great story about some ghosts I read the other day! It’s---”

Tamaki had a new shiver. He suddenly didn’t feel so safe anymore.


	4. Fourth time

**Fourth**

“Tamaki-kun!!! ”

The door of his hospital room opened with a loud bang, and Tamaki jumped in his seat at the sound and the scream it came with.

“S-sou-chan?!”

His partner went straight to him, not even sparing a look for his face as his eyes were focused on the cast around Tamaki’s right arm. His eyes widened significantly before they narrowed in two thin lines full of concern. At last, Sougo looked at Tamaki’s face and his hand immediately darted to the left cheek, slightly bruised.

“Tamaki-kun, are you okay?”

“I am, I am, don’t worry Sou-chan!”

Tamaki could feel it. The dark aura accompanying Sougo’s worry whenever he was hurt.

“Who did this to you, Tamaki-kun?”

From anyone else, this would have sounded like genuine concern. Coming from Sougo, it just sounded like a threat. Tamaki knew by now this was how Sougo reacted whenever one of his friends was hurt, but it still was scary to experience. He started sweating and tried changing the subject.

“Why are you here, Sou-chan? I thought Ban-chan or Manager would be coming…”

“Banri-san is on his way, yes, but I’m your emergency contact, remember?”

No, Tamaki did not remember that. He completely forgot that he filled Sougo’s contact information as his emergency contact years ago, and never changed it.

“Oh, right… ‘m sorry Sou-chan, I forgot about that. Sorry to have bothered you in the middle of the day, I’ll change it for the next tim---”

“What are you saying?”

Sougo cut him short.

“Eh?”

“I’m glad to be your emergency contact. Don’t change it.”

“You sure?”

“Of course. But I really wish there won’t be a next time.”

Tamaki started laughing nervously.

“Well, me too…”

“Tamaki-kun.”

This time Sougo was facing him directly, his eyes barely a few centimeters away from his.

_ Too close!! _

“What happened to you?”

Sadly for Tamaki, there was no way Sougo would drop the subject. The young man turned his face slightly to the left and darted his eyes away from his partner as much as he could.

“I just fell down the stairs, it’s no big deal…”

“You fell down the stairs ? On your own? Were you looking at your phone?”

“Of course not! ‘m not a kid anymore, Sou-chan! Not, my phone was in my pocket.”

Sougo’s eyebrows furrowed even more.

“Did you miss a step?”

“No?”

Something was weird. Grown men didn’t just fall down the stairs for no reasons.

“You’re not saying the whole truth, Tamaki-kun. What happened exactly?”

Tamaki had a sigh. Since when did Sougo understand him so well? Didn’t they used to always misunderstand each other? Why now of all times?! For once, just this time, Tamaki wouldn’t have minded Sougo not really understanding.

“Someon---…”

The dark aura around Sougo grew wider and heavier.

“Someone pushed you down the stairs?!”

“No, no, not like this! Sou-chan, calm down. Put down that chair, please.”

“Ah, I’m sorry…”

Sougo awkwardly put down the chair he had started to lift from the ground (to do what with, exactly?! Tamaki was still wondering) and sat on it. A sigh of relief escaped Tamaki, who assumed now would be a good time to give more details.

“’s just… I was going up the stairs in that commercial center, an’ I crossed a girl going down and then I fell.”

Once again, Tamaki’s explanation was a bit short on details to be clear.

“But why did you fall?”

“Her shoulder bumped into mine, ‘s was a mistake that’s all!”

But Sougo was not convinced at all. Holding his chin with his fingers, he was deep into his thoughts.

“Was she tall? Considering your height and strength, I can hardly believe an average girl could bump into you and make you fall “by mistake”… Either she had to be strong or tall, or she must have shoved you up quite hard to manage that…”

Tamaki scratched his head with his left hand.

“Well, it was pretty strong… hm, she was close to Mikki I think...”

“Were the stairs full at this moment?”

“Hm, not really. There was no one behind me. Ah, but I was wearing my mask and some glasses and a hat, Sou-chan. No way she could have known it was me!”

“Tamaki-kun, who other 185 centimeters tall blue-haired man wears King Pudding hats?”

“Wha--?!”

“That’s not a reproach. It’s just, if someone knows you well enough, or is  _ looking _ for you, it’s not hard to recognize you.”

“Oh…”

Sougo gave him a serious look, one that gave Tamaki a shiver.

“Tamaki-kun, I think she might have done that on purpose.”

“Eh… why? What did I do?”

Tamaki was at loss. Why would someone he didn’t even know mean him harm? Sougo tried to give him a reassuring smile.

“When you’re an idol like us, sometimes people… well, even our own fans, can be… a bit extreme. But don’t worry, I’ll protect you from any stalkers, if it’s one.”

“No, Sou-chan, ’m more worried about  _ you _ being too extreme honestly…”

“I really don’t see what you mean. But I’ll talk about it with Banri-san and our manager. If you remember anything about that girl, like her hair color or her clothes or anything, you tell me. We’ll also go through your recent fan-mail to check for potential threats there.”

“O-okay. Thank you, Sou-chan…”

To be honest, Tamaki was now a bit frightened. He never had a stalker before, but he heard some bad things about them, like everyone else in the industry. It was scary. He sure hoped it wasn’t one. However, looking at Sougo talking with Banri who had just arrived, he felt more at ease. He would be fine. The stalker should be more worried, probably.


	5. Fifth time

**Fifth**

Looking around him, Tamaki felt a knot in his stomach. The small apartment was smelling bad, reeking of alcohol and left over rotting food all over the place. It was small enough that you could see the whole place in just one look, but so dirty and messy it felt bigger than it actually was. Tamaki’s hands twitched and he closed his fits into a ball. All he could feel right now was anger. That was not the feeling he expected upon hearing about his father’s death. He wasn’t sure what he expected, but not that. Relief, maybe? He hated the man more than he ever hated anyone in his life before. The only thing his father ever did was telling his son he was a nuisance, beating him up regularly then abandoning his family which led to his wife’s death in the process. Tamaki hated him so much, he really thought that knowing he was free of his connection with the man would at least provide him with relief. But it didn’t. Tamaki was upset beyond words, and the feeling only further angered him. And now he had to clean the place for him and take care of all the formalities that came with his death, since him and Aya were his only alive relatives and Tamaki wasn’t about to ask Aya to take care of it.

Tamaki couldn’t help but let out some swearing. Even after his death, his father managed to be a bother to him. He should have paid someone to do this for him. Why on earth did he agree to do it himself? But above all, why on earth did he feel so empty and upset. It was his own choice that he had never met with his father even once after that terrible encounter on a TV show. He did it on purpose, and he never intended to meet him ever again, period. Tamaki also never hoped to mend things with him. Some things were just impossible to mend. It had been a struggle for him a few years ago to understand why Sougo would want to set things straight with his own dad even though he made his life terrible as well. Eventually, he understood the good it made to his partner to be able to express himself truly in front of his father. But in his own case, there was nothing to do. Hell, the only thing he ever wished to do was to punch him in the face - and even that he achieved. He did regret it, for many reasons, but it’s not like he had any left over strings to tie on that end either. So why the regret filling him up. Why was he feeling so upset!!

“Shit…!”

Tamaki’s fists were shaking, and he only further crumpled the garbage bag he was holding in his right hand. He wasn’t sure if it was because he was too mad or because he was about to cry. He just didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know how to react or feel anymore. This was a mistake. He should never have come here. It was filthy and stinky, just like the man itself.

The front door behind him opened, and it startled him. Did the owner come back? He told Tamaki he would leave him a few hours at least, so Tamaki wasn’t expecting anyone. But to his surprise, it was familiar faces that went through the door. Sougo, Yamato and Nagi came inside the cramped place holding cleaning materials and empty boxes that they quickly put down on the ground.

“Hi, Tama.”

“Hello, Tamaki-kun. We came to help. How are you feeling?”

Tamaki was speechless as Sougo asked him the only question he wasn’t sure how to answer. But his partner seemed to understand everything he couldn’t himself.

“I see. Do not worry, we’re here to help. You don’t have to do this alone. Yamato-san, everything you think we can give to charity you can put in the boxes we brought.”

“Got it, Sou.”

“Nagi-kun, you can start filling up the garbage bags. A truck will come collect them in three hours, so we should have enough time. The place isn’t that big.”

“Leave it to me Sougo! It’ll be done in less.”

As they passed him, Yamato gave Tamaki a pat on his shoulder and Nagi gave him a smile.

“It’ll be okay, Tamaki. _ Don’t worry _ .”

“Tamaki-kun, come with me.”

Gently, Sougo navigated his friend to the small table in the corner of the room and made him sit on the chair. Then he quickly took out the leftover trash covering the table, and put down some paperwork in front of them before sitting next to Tamaki.

“I’ll take care of the papers. After all, I already know how to fill them.”

Sougo had a sad smile at these words.

“I’ll just ask you questions you might have answers to, but if you don’t feel like it, you don’t have to answer them. Ok?”

“Hm. 'kay.”

As they filled the papers, Yamato and Nagi were proving to be especially efficient. In a matter of two short hours, the flat was almost completely empty. Most of its contents would be heading out to the closest dump, as expected. Somehow, the sight made Tamaki feel a bit lighter. Emptying the flat also emptied his chest as well. He was still upset, though. Yamato pushed a random piece of furniture closer and sat on it.

“Why didn’t you tell us anything, Tama?”

Tamaki shrugged. He didn’t know. It felt like this was his own burden, why should he share it with others? Plus, it wasn’t supposed to be anything special anyway. He was supposed to feel relief. He was supposed to witness that he was really free, and feel relief. He wasn’t supposed to feel so bad and upset and mad and confused.

Nagi joined them, and surrounded by his three friends Tamaki felt better. He felt protected from the bad energy that engulfed him the moment he set foot inside that apartment.

“Sougo told us where you went and that he was going to help, so of course we joined. Riku wanted to come as well, but we told him not to.”

Tamaki nodded. His eyes were still locked on the table in front of him and the documents covering it.

“That’s a good thing. This place would be bad for Rikkun’s health.”

“Tamaki-kun… it’s normal to feel upset, you know.”

Surprised, Tamaki finally raised his head and looked at Sougo.

“How… how do you…”

Sougo had another sad smile for him, which Yamato and Nagi all shared.

“How do we know? Because it’s normal. Both Yamato-san and I, we were… we were given a chance to make things better with our fathers. It didn’t mean it made things right. It never rewrites the past. But still, it made it a bit better, because it gave us a chance of closure. You never had that with your father.”

Sougo was right. That maybe was the issue. The feeling he would never have closure was burning in his chest, right at the spot where he should have felt relief. Tamaki’s voice cracked.

“I hated him so much. I still hate him now.”

“I know. We know.”

“He made our life miserable. He made me miserable. And now, he’s gone, and I still feel miserable. Why?”

“Some scars never really heal, no matter what. But it’ll get better with time, I promise.”

“That’s unfair.”

“I know.”

Tamaki let out a shaky breath. Sougo put his hand over his as he continued.

“I know it’s hard. But I’m here, just like Yamato-san and Nagi-kun. We’re all here for you. You are not alone, Tamaki-kun.”

At last, Tamaki had a smile and his eyebrows relaxed.

“Yeah. I know. Thank you, guys.”

A couple of hours later, as he exited the empty and now clean apartment, Tamaki had one last look for it. He didn’t feel anything. He closed the door. The scar in his heart would probably never heal. Thinking about his father would still make him upset forever. But it was time to close the door on this part of his life, and to focus on the goods things now.


	6. Last time

**Last**

“Hey, Sou-chan…”

Tamaki’s voice was tired and strained. He did cry himself to sleep a few times in the past days, but he didn’t get much rest overall. He was so exhausted, he felt he couldn’t cry anymore. Maybe he ran out of tears; maybe he used up the whole reserve humans are born with.

“...I’m…”

His voice cracked and Tamaki choked back a sob. It seemed like he still had tears after all.

“Sou-chan….”

But this time, there was no “Tamaki-kun”. Just a peaceful silence, as Tamaki looked at the peaceful face of his partner, resting on a beautiful white velvet. There were so many emotions swirling into his heart, it was hard to get words out at all. Tamaki had never been good at expressing his emotions, and now more than ever it was hard to get them out. But he tried. It was important.

“It was hard, coming here… I… Before, you always helped me with this stuff. But this time you weren’t there…”

Tears were silently rolling on his cheeks as his hands shook slightly, gripping the fabric of his pants.

“Why weren’t you there, Sou-chan.”

Tamaki’s voice was barely more than a whisper.

“I miss you… I don’t know... how to continue without you… You were always there, when I needed you. And now, I need you, Sou-chan.”

Taking his head between his hands, Tamaki let himself cry for a few minutes. His heart was so tight, it felt hard to breath.

“I need you so bad… You know, years ago, you promised me that you would never leave me. I wasn’t sure, at first, that I could trust you. I thought… I don’t know, I thought it was impossible. That you probably said that just to make me feel better or something, like everyone before. But, you meant it… Even after you got with Ryuu-aniki, you… you were always there for me. Always. I can’t remember a moment you weren’t. You helped me… through so much…”

Wiping his tears, Tamaki shook his head. He tried to take a deep breath. Why was his chest hurting so much? 

“Sorry. You helped me so much. Did I ever... help you the same way? I wish I’d asked you that before, Sou-chan. But it felt… it really felt like you would always be there. Like, there was time. It was fine. If you needed it, I would have been there. You know that, Sou-chan? I hope you know that. It’s important that… that you know… Before… before meeting you and the others, I always thought that… finding Aya was the most important thing, because she was my only family. I was so alone all the time, it was… it was so painful. I wanted it to stop. I wanted a family, too… It didn’t… it didn’t really work out with Aya, right? That’s, because she already had a family. She didn’t need… another one. She… she didn’t need me. I needed her, but she didn’t need me. Tell me, Sou-chan… Did you ever need me? Did you ever need me like I needed you? Fuck, I need you so bad right now, Sou-chan. I can’t do this… I can’t tell you goodbye…”

This was the last time he was ever seeing that face. The thought alone terrified Tamaki. It was like being torn in half and knowing you’ll never be complete again. Living with a hole in your heart that would never fill up. It hurt. It hurt so much.

“It’s just, I don’t  _ want  _ to tell you goodbye. You were my family, Sou-chan… you, Iorin, Yama-san, Mikki, Nagicchi, Rikkun… you were a new family for me. I… I don’t think I ever felt so happy before in my life. Things weren’t always easy… we fought a lot at first… then there were all these issues, between Yama-san and Mikki, then Nagicchi, then Rikkun… and that big fight with Iorin and Mikki too… But we made it through, like… like a real family. And there were the others too. Especially, Ryuu-aniki… You know, Sou-chan, it’s really hard for Ryuu-aniki right now. He’s trying to hold it together, but… I’ve… I’ve never ever seen him like this before… It’s like he’s broken and nothing can fix him. But I’ll be there for him. You can count on me. I don’t know if I was able to be here for you properly before, but, I’ll help Ryuu-aniki. Don’t worry.”

At long last, Tamaki’s voice got firmer. The last few days had been a blur of pain. He felt like he was slowly drowning, and a part of him didn’t want to fight it. Drowning would mean the pain would stop, right? What was the point of fighting it, just to feel even more pain? But at long last, Tamaki could see people on the shore. Ryuu-aniki was over there, and he was shivering. He needed help. Yama-san was downing beer after beer, Tamaki should probably go talk to him, offer him something else to drink and eat. And some company.

“You’re…. You’re not there anymore, Sou-chan. It’s scary and it hurts, but I’m not alone… I’ve realized it now. Took me a while, ‘m sorry. Told you I was an idiot before, right? Still true. I’m not alone, I have all the others. And they have me too. You’ve…. You’ve helped me through so much. I still don’t know how to continue without you. It feels impossible.”

It felt impossible. It was impossible. He didn’t  _ want  _ it to be possible. It wouldn’t be fair, would it?

“But I will. Because the others might need me. And I’ll be there for them, just like you always were here for me. Don’t worry, Sou-chan.”

As he told him that, Tamaki got up from the chair and realized he might have told Sougo everything he needed to. Getting closer, Tamaki eventually put down his shaking hands on the coffin. His heart still hurt like never before, and tears were threatening to overflow any minute now, but Tamaki didn’t feel cold like he did up until now. He felt warmth for the first time in days beside the pain.

“I hope you knew, Sou-chan. How much you meant to me. And how much I would have done for you. If… If I had been here that day... I would have traded my life for yours in a heartbeat. I love you so much, Sou-chan.”

At long last, Tamaki took a couple of steps away from the coffin. He’d been there for a while now. Others probably wanted to come pay their respects as well. He wiped his tears with his sleeve and took a shaky breath and one last look.

“Sou-chan… Thank you for everything. And goodbye. Say hi to my mom to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tamaki, you were there for him just as much as he was there for you. And Sougo knew everything. Ryuu will eventually tell him that.  
> Anyway, it’s probably not really that touching to read but I cried the whole time I wrote that chapter. My headcanons for Tamaki and Sougo are:  
> Tamaki: would give his life for Sougo  
> Sougo: would kill for Tamaki
> 
> And somehow this led me to think about how horrible it would be for Tamaki to be left behind. Anyway, I’m still not sure why I wrote something I’m not sure I could bear to read myself, but sometimes some ideas pop into your head and you need to get them out. I’ll be happy if I managed to make someone else feel something!  
> I also wanted to write about Tamaki being ace for as long as I can remember, and I’ve written a lot of tries that never made it out of the drafts-cemetery before because they never felt right. I honestly don’t think that one feels right either, but it was important for me to try at least.  
> At last but not least, I love Tamaki and Sougo’s relationship on a platonic side a lot, because of how much of a support they are to each other in the story even though they have a really hard and messy start. I strongly believe that even if they were to go on with their own lives they’d be here for each other, and that’s what I tried to show with this fic. I focused on the fact Sougo was there for Tamaki because that’s what I needed for my ending, but Tamaki was just as much there for Sougo (and the rest of i7). He just doesn’t realize it, because he does things very intuitively.  
> That “I loved you” at the end isn’t romantic, but it’s just as important. In the story Tamaki does say “because I love Sou-chan” in part 4 (“Sou-chan ga suki dakara”) and I feel he might have never told him directly, so he needed to at least once.


End file.
